


I Count The Silent Days

by kayftw



Series: This is Our Song and Dance [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bartley, Continuation, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oneshot, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:44:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5549636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayftw/pseuds/kayftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Let hopes pass<br/>Let dreams pass<br/>Let them die<br/>Without you, what are they for?" - 'Til I Hear You Sing from Love Never Dies</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Count The Silent Days

**Author's Note:**

> Continuation from I Love You, I Hate You
> 
> Special thank you to filioprodigo on tumblr for inspiring this series and to all the commentators/people who messaged me on tumblr encouraging me to continue this!

_In my mind_

_I hear melodies pure and unearthly_

_But I find_

_I can't give them a voice without you_

_My Christine, my Christine_

_Lost and gone, lost and gone_

 

 

Hartley had laid there screaming for a long time, until he couldn’t anymore… until his voice gave out, and his body gave in, submitting until the screaming in his ears was nothing but silence, emptiness… He could feel nothing, could think nothing. He stared blankly ahead, numb to everything inside and outside… He heard nothing, and he was reminded of his childhood… the lack of _any_ sound. It used to scare him, the thought of returning to that…

 

But right now it was a relief. He knew there was still screaming, he could feel the ache in his head, the splitting pain in his still bleeding ears… but he couldn’t _hear_ it. He tried speaking, but nothing came out. No sound, no voice… no screaming or… music.

 

Tears slipped from his eyes, unobstructed as he didn’t even fight it. He didn’t sob, didn’t really cry… but still, the tears slipped down the sides of his face as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, feeling nothing.

 

 

_The day starts_

_The day ends_

_Time crawls by_

_Night steals in pacing the floor_

_The moments creep_

_Yet I can't bear to sleep_

_'Til I hear you sing_

 

 

Hartley left his implants out, stumbling to bed… and he _tried_ to sleep. He had been up for so long before, it should be easy… but it wasn’t. He lay there for hours, but his mind… he kept seeing Barry in his mind’s eye, but this time…

 

The memory was silent. He couldn’t hear Barry speak, couldn’t hear him cry out in pleasure, in-

 

… in pain. And the strange part was? He couldn’t _remember_ what Barry sounded like. It was as though his memories were as deaf as he was born. And something about that made it _so much worse._

 

 

_And weeks pass_

_And months pass_

_Seasons fly_

_Still you don't walk through my door_

_And in a haze_

_I count the silent days_

_'Til I hear you sing once more_

 

 

 

The first night had been a rush of so many things, so much pain, betrayal and hurt… Iris had been there for him, surprising him with a kiss, and- fool that he was- he’d pushed it further, desperate to erase the memory of Hartley’s sweet kisses, his gentle touches… his skin crawled with it. Iris had been the one to stop it; he didn’t have the sense to. His best friend, the girl he’d been in love with for so long…

 

She knew him enough to know he was utterly heartbroken. And so, she’d just… been there for him. Held him that night, rocked him, lulled him to sleep. She’d ensured him he would get passed this, but…

 

Months passed, Fall fading to Winter, and… every day, he looked at his door, checked his closet, peeked around corners… some part of him desperate just to _see_ him again. Even Captain Singh had noticed his lack of energy, the empty smile he forced on his face. He had tried to convince Barry to take a break despite their workload, but… Barry refused. He needed _something_ to at least _try_ and focus on. Anything to stop him constantly looking for signs of the man.

 

Even the Flash saw no sign of him, no whisper… not even a _rumor_. In a desperate move, he’d gone to Snart, asked him if he’d heard anything, and the thief had looked at him curiously, icy gaze analyzing him like he was an interesting specimen he’d like to pick apart.

 

No surprise; he’d gotten nothing from the man.

 

 

_And sometimes at night time_

_I dream that you are there_

_But wake holding nothing_

_But the empty air_

Barry woke for the tenth time that month, fingers reaching out, trying to grasp for the Hartley he’d watched turn away from him in a dream… He’d chased him, but no matter how hard he ran, how fast… Hartley, walking at a slower than normal pace… had vanished through his fingers.

 

It was ridiculous, that after all this time… he still cried when he woke.

 

 

 

_And years come_

_And years go_

_Time runs dry_

_Still I ache down to the core_

_My broken soul_

_Can't be alive and whole_

_'Til I hear you sing once more_

 

Hartley never thought anything could drive him out of Central City… His father hadn’t, his ex hadn’t succeeded either, neither Harrison… yet the thought of seeing the Flash on TV, or running into Barry Allen… it had driven him far away, to New York City. The city was _painfully_ loud at all hours; but he figured he deserved it… every headache, every attack, every wave of nausea or dizziness… If anything he deserved _worse_.

 

He’d taken to petty crime rather than anything major; just enough to get by, and every now and then stealing parts to upgrade the implants he’d given in and put back in. He ached… years passed and still that ache never left.

 

 

_And music, your music_

_It teases at my ear_

_I turn and it fades away_

_And you're not here_

 

 

 

 

He still couldn’t remember what Barry sounded like, and yet… yet a sound would startle him, a whisper from blocks away that he would chase, swearing it was Barry… and every time he crawled back. He had no right to, he knew he had no right to…

 

But he wanted to hear his voice again… wanted to never lose it again.

 

 

 

_Let hopes pass_

_Let dreams pass_

_Let them die_

_Without you, what are they for?_

 

Hartley hated _everything_ and _everyone_. He wanted them all to die, to _suffer_ as he was. Every day was torment, no matter how hard he fought to push away the silent memories, they _plagued_ him. There was no mercy…

 

How many years was he supposed to keep trying? Hartley Rathaway’s heart was broken, and he wanted to _burn_ that part of him. And so… He set to work.

 

He upgraded the gloves, learned new methods… He learned about hypnosis, developed a specialized flute that would sound sickly sweet to any unfiltered ear; lull them into a sense of complacency… His first time using it, he had succeeded in getting away with ten thousand dollars from a bank. He had a new costume this time, new companions… Two pet rats that he had come to care for in his time practicing creating his flute. He smirked a bit at the irony of his name, now… but he had a new goal in mind. He had remade himself… and he would face down the man who had led to all of this; not as Hartley Rathaway, but…

 

**_Pied Piper had returned… and was heading back to Central City._ **

 

 

 

_I'll always feel_

_No more than halfway real_

_'Til I hear you sing once more_

 

 

Barry continued to fight as The Flash, kept pushing himself further and further, getting stronger, faster… he found new abilities and even pushed himself to experiment… Eobard Thawne had showed him a future where he could be so much more, so he dove into experiments during the little free time he had, trained by Cisco and Caitlin both, learning everything he could… he found his brain was able to process things faster eventually, but… No matter how he improved, he still felt…

 

… as though he were floating in a dream, waiting to wake up, waiting to hear that voice, see that smirk, feel that touch… _It was a lie the entire time, Barry. Just move on_ … he’d told himself that a thousand times, and yet…

 

Barry stared out the window, watching the rain fall, wondering for the millionth time what Hartley was doing, where he was… He’d given up fighting it; letting himself imagine Hartley coming back into his life…

 

_Back to him._

**Author's Note:**

> So there you go hehe.
> 
> AND YES, I PLAN ON WRITING MORE.
> 
> I just heard this song, got inspired, and had to write this first. Hope you like it! If you have any suggestions, comments, ideas, thoughts... I encourage you to comment or message me at my tumblr lightninggaveabs! I READ EVERY COMMENT/MESSAGE I GET AND I TAKE THEM VERY SERIOUSLY.
> 
> Thank you so much! Cx


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